Introduction
Thank you for inviting me as a new member to address you on the subject “The Challenge of Returning Home after 37 Years in America.” I appreciate the opportunity to reflect on my initial impressions and experiences after the move from San Francisco to Gothenburg at the end of last year, why I was pulled back to the old country, what I found here on my arrival, what my options are, and what are the realities of returning home. I’ll also share with you some of the frustrations, emotions and cultural shocks I have encountered upon my return.

To tell you the truth, my transition from California to Europe feels as rough as it once did when I sailed away on the proud Swedish-American Line ship Kungsholm from Gothenburg to the U.S. in 1966 as young exchange student. Back then, I was firmly resolved to “go West, young (wo)man” since I was smitten with the America bug or fever but soon realized that many of my expectations of life over there were based on fictitious movie and television portrayals without any solid reality base. As many Swedes, I had romantic notions of life in America and ran into a whole series of culture crashes. One in the Midwest was so bad that I was thrown out of the house of my host family in the middle of New Year’s and had to find my way back to the dorm of my university entirely on my own! It’s a miracle I stayed for another 36 years!

I am now working hard to prove those people wrong who have always been telling me “You can never go home again!” In my zeal to accomplish my objective of returning home to Sweden, I may have worn rose colored glasses and was turning a deaf ear to those telling me that it was going to be rough to readjust to life over here—I who have always been somewhat of a contrarian who took pride in not being like everyone else around me—a very un-Swedish trait!

Why was I pulled back to the old country?
Although I have thoroughly enjoyed living in the U.S. for almost 40 years, I have always thought of Sweden as my homeland. I have deep roots here and as I get older, I was hoping to find greater peace of mind by returning. As a young woman, I had been fortunate to experience an unusually cosmopolitan upbringing and grew up more as a global citizen than an ordinary Swede.

My late husband James Brennan and I had the dream of returning here together to live. Sadly, he was prematurely diagnosed with cancer and passed away three years ago. We had just met and gotten married here a few years earlier after he had first fallen in love with me, then with my homeland and hometown. As a fourth generation Californian and an American whose family dates back to the American Revolution, he rests beautifully by the little country church where we got married locally and on his tombstone, the inscription reads that he loved “Sweden and the sea.”

Jim was a great sailor and would be proud of the relationship that has now been established between his yacht club, the Golden Gate Yacht Club, and the Royal Gothenburg Sailing Society. Prior to Jim’s death, he instituted a student and faculty exchange program between his California engineering school, Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo, and the Chalmers University of Technology. He wanted a young American to have the same wonderful experience that he had had of meeting someone from this city and perhaps relocating over here…

I was also pulled back here because I wanted to experience the four seasons, where the church bells toll daily and where the seagulls remind me of the maritime nature of this place.
And I wanted to live where the pace of life is a bit slower.
Where I don’t have to spell my name a dozen times a day.
Where I have so many happy memories of my childhood and my youth and where Jim and I visited every year for the past decade.

What did I find here upon my arrival?
I found a great void after my missing loved ones who were no longer here to welcome me home lovingly.

It is more difficult living somewhere than just visiting a place.

It is also hard to return to a place where I have never earned a living before and that is associated with endless summers when the sun was always shining. I am now returning to a situation where I have to take full responsibility for myself, earn a living for another decade or so, and build myself a home of my own.

The country to which I am returning is no longer the country of my childhood nor the country I left but feels almost as foreign as America the first time I got there. My impression is that this is not a happy or fun place any more the way it was in the 50’s or 60’s and that the newly emerging diversity has shattered the peacefulness, consensus and quality of life of the population. This perception of mine is sharply at odds with the prevailing notions of this country in media abroad where Sweden has been listed as among the happier and most prosperous nations on earth.

What can I now do about it?
I am asking myself: Have I made a mistake? I certainly feel like an experiment or guinea pig! The reason my husband and I did not move here earlier was that on one of my visits 15 years ago I was told that I was “too American” to make it here! I hope that despite that judgment, I will still be able to land some project work, especially now that there are so many American and foreign-owned companies in this area.

Should I have taken a year of absence from work to come over here and check things out on a trial basis? Possibly, but then I would have remained in limbo without having made a decision one way or the other about my move. So I had better make the best of my present predicament by giving it some time to see if I can adjust to life over here. A move like this is such a major undertaking that thinking in terms of five-year time frames makes sense.

The sad reality is that there are those who never adjust on either side of the Atlantic. An example is the 80-year-old SWEA lady who has been moving back and forth between San Francisco and Stockholm three times without feeling at home anywhere. After she lost her husband, she sold her house in San Francisco and moved over here, only to find age discrimination and children and grandchildren who did not care for her as much as she had hoped.

“Don’t burn your bridges!” was the advice I was given for years when contemplating this move. It is probably more difficult to move home as a mature woman than it was to move away as a young woman. As hard as it was to leave my family as a 20-year-old, I have even more to lose by making a mistake today as a 50-year-old.

Having spent the majority of my adult life in America, I have many of my best friends and relatives over there, plus my work experience and credentials. As a result, I am bound to go back to visit regularly--it’s just a question of which side of the Pond to live! It’s funny how things change: being over here, I feel I left my heart in San Francisco but when I was over there, I felt I left my heart in Gothenburg. As mentioned, I really never unpacked my mental suitcases but throughout my adult life, I felt as though I had my roots over here since I was exceptionally close to my parents and have kept my summer residence intact from my childhood.

The good news about being over here is that I appreciate all the good things about America much more from this vantage point than by being right in the middle of it!

I have a personal theory about where you should live depending on your age and family situation. The U.S. is a great place to make money during a person’s most productive years. Sweden is more suitable for childrearing and for ageing gracefully because life is a bit slower over here.

In the SWEA group that I started in San Francisco called “Hemvändarna”, a support group to discuss issues and questions of relevance to those members contemplating a move back home to Sweden, I am experiment Nr. 2 in moving home after almost 40 years. Most of us contemplating such a move are either widows, divorced, or without major family in the new country and for whom it makes sense to look into the possibility of returning back to one’s home country as you get older.

A couple of our SWEA members live half the year here and the other half in California and feel strongly not only the excitement of this jet-set type of life, but also its schizophrenic nature with the challenge of not having come to terms with the question of where they really want to live for the rest of their lives and the pressures to make such a decision before they get too old.

Other members like the lifestyle similar to migrating birds, spending the summer season here but living in California for the remainder of the year. Most of them plan on keeping this up until they get older when they might move to the sunnier climates of Southern Europe for the winter.

What are the realities of returning home?
Many people dream of making life changes in mid-life but don’t have the courage to do so for fear that such a move might be interpreted as a personal defeat. There is a law of inertia--it’s more convenient to stay where you are than uprooting yourself and start all over in mid-life. But I feel it is exciting and rejuvenating to make a change before it’s too late because I wanted to come home to LIVE, not just to retire or die!

The realities of returning are an initial honeymoon, then the truths of life hit you hard like a sledge hammer and if you are not strong and determined, you might just return from where you came from, like a ping pong ball!

Another reality check is that you cannot take everything with you when you move! There are a lot of things that you simply have to leave behind, such as all electrical appliances and electronic gear. In many ways, I am starting from scratch! As an example, I even have to take my driver’s license all over again!

It might be interesting to reflect on the question of what do those of us returning to our former homelands have to give in return and how can they benefit from our experience abroad? I have appealed to SWEA International and Stockholm-based Swedes in the World to place on their agendas the idea of helping our society to take advantage of the valuable experiences of men and women returning from overseas work. Our personalities have undoubtedly been shaped by our experiences abroad and otherwise, the process of reintegration can be long and arduous.

Needless to say, this move, which still goes on, has been more challenging than I had ever imagined! I landed here in August 2003 and I estimate it will take me at least a year before I am even settled into my own place! It’s anybody’s guess how long it will take for me to win meaningful work. Had I known then what I now know about how tough it was going to me, I might not have done this until I was ready to retire!

Emotions, frustrations and culture shocks
So what are some of the other emotions, frustrations and cultural shocks that I have encountered upon my return?

The place I left as a teenager was a quiet workshop for the world—safe, a little boring, homogeneous, still innocent and somewhat isolated. There is a great Swedish word for describing what this country was like in those days---a real “avkrok”--meaning a provincial island onto itself! But the place I returned to is no longer safe, boring and homogeneous. It is instead multicultural, has a long time ago lost its innocence, first with the murder of Prime Minister Olof Palme and most recently with the knifing down of Foreign Minister Anna Lindh, and pretty much mirrors most of the ills of the modern world. In terms of violence, it increasingly feels like the United States I just left! I arrived just before the murder of Anna Lindh and was shocked to find how insecure walking the streets here at night felt, especially on weekends.

This country is sadly adopting a number of the phenomena I saw in the U.S. that contribute to a lessening of the quality of life there without the benefits and advantages offered by American society. For example, too many parents have failed to teach their kids respect for the older generation. In the U.S., I got a different impression of the education and upbringing of young Swedes. Swedes abroad appear to behave differently than Swedes back home. I was surprised to find an absence of etiquette among the younger generation, at least in public. Values and morality are in decline and people are disgruntled over service, crowds and manners not just when travelling by air, but also on the ground everywhere in malls, shopping centers and on buses and streetcars. I have personally gotten more nasty looks here over the past six months than I have gotten in the U.S. in an entire year! I often feel like asking, “What have I done to offend you?” We are missing the boat on the family being the pillar of society and are turning to the government authorities for help in areas that are better solved by private initiative and volunteer activities. People have abrogated responsibility for each other because of the presence of the social safety net. The motto seems to be “feather your own nest and don’t give a damn about others!” Our young people lack a sense of purpose and a vision of the future—qualities that infused the generations of a great number of us, especially those of us who are baby boomers. The Swedish language has been debased, vocabulary sharply reduced and the use of profanities is on the rise. There is a distance between people who are strangers that is far wider than anything I have experienced in the U.S. Recent immigration appears to be the culprit in much of this as immigrants are granted asylum without being assured a decent job in this country. Most native Swedes are against the immigration policy of the current Administration but do not have the courage to utter a word for fear of being considered “racist.” In fact, many seek comfort in other people’s misery—a human trait that exists everywhere!

What could we learn from America?
Swedes seem to be infatuated with American culture and on the surface, this country appears to be a “little America.” However, appearances can be deceptive and as many of us have discovered, there are deep differences between the two countries underneath the surface. The U.S. can be likened to a peach—soft, inviting and smiling on the outside but hard and unmerciful on those who are unsuccessful on the inside—whereas Sweden can be thought of as a pineapple—hard and reserved on the outside but soft and benign once you get under the skin!

Based on my experiences in America, what are the things that Sweden could adopt based on the American model and alternatively, what are the lessons learned from America that we should shy away from over here? What follows is my wish list for Sweden based on my having spent most of my adult life in the United States as a student, businesswoman, wife and community volunteer.

Why not adopt for Sweden some of the truly great things that have come out of America. So let me mention some of the things that I wish for Sweden to adopt:
· A two-party political system that seems to constantly renew itself whereas over here, it’s the same old political tune all the time.
· The ability of integrate immigrants into society by quickly channelling them into meaningful work that takes advantage of their skills, such as the thousands of Indian engineers who have come to California to build Silicon Valley into what it is today. As a consequence, these immigrants account for one-third of the wealth generated by the Silicon Valley cluster of IT industrial might.
· The entrepreneurial spirit that constantly launches small companies, which quickly grow into larger ones or are bought up by corporate icons such as Cisco or H-P or IBM. Here, small and mid-size companies are few and far between, with large corporate entities being the norm resulting in a preponderance of corporate bureaucrats as opposed to entrepreneurs.
· The habit of acknowledging phone calls or business correspondence, even if it’s only with a brief note or a one-line communication. And the opportunity to ask questions of a speaker wherever I go. Here, I feel I am operating in a black hole and get a sense that there is a different notion of audience participation than I am accustomed to.
· U.S.-style customer service! Walking into any store there, I find myself being welcomed, which puts me into a buying mood. Over here, there is very little customer service and by asking for help, I feel as though I am bothering the sales people.
· The volunteer spirit that has created such wonderful cultural institutions as The Asian Art Museum in San Francisco or The Smithsonian Institution in Washington D.C. Over here, we hear stories daily of how our educational and health care systems lack resources but there is scant mention of the most obvious and speedy way to bring new resources to bear on these problem.
· The habit of going to church without feeling odd about it. With all the lack of wellness around here, this is the single most powerful and effective way to get people escape their daily drudgeries…
· The ability to handle stress without major health problems; with only two weeks’ vacation, the average American has a far greater reason to be stressed out and in poor health than the average Swede. Here, there appears to be a wellness deficit and a depression surplus…
· An abundance of joy despite stressful lives with both parents working. True story: As soon as I arrived here last year, I found myself in Stockholm giving a talk on the SWEA group Hemvändarna. I was told by the people I stayed with not to smile the way I did because my California smile was found to be both offensive and intrusive into the privacy of those around me who were then forced to react rather than remaining their reserved, introverted selves.
· Common courtesies on buses and streetcars, such as saying, “excuse me” when bumping into another person. Here, young people in particular are clueless about such common courtesies as letting others have their own individual space in public. I’d love to start a movement of educating the younger generation about social and business etiquette!
· Letting anyone reinvent themselves and starting all over again; failure being a badge of honor in America—not the end of the road for someone! By the same token, age is not a definitive obstacle towards career success. My generation of baby boomers makes up such a huge cohort in America that we will ensure that our interests are well taken care of whereas over here, the emphasis on youth means that there is less for the rest of us. In other words, I advocate a belief in win-win solutions to generational equity rather than a win-lose perspective.
· Individualists who dare to be themselves! People here are afraid to say what they think and feel for risk of social repercussions. Boy, have we strayed away from the path of our Viking ancestors!
· Rejoicing in other people’s successes rather than being jealous or taking the wind out of their sails by virtue of that infamous social law called “Jantelagen” that has gained wide credibility in all Scandinavian countries in favor of mediocrity or being “lagom” or ”just right” as opposed to excellent! These commandments are: “You shall not believe that you are something!” You shall not believe that you are as good as or better than we are. You shall not believe that you know more than we do and are in a position to teach us anything. Well, you get the drift….

Conclusion
Let us instead change this law, “Jantelagen,” into another great Swedish word that almost rhymes with it, “Hjältelagen,” or the Law of Heroes! What we truly need in this country are a greater number of people who dare to stand out and be different, excellent, and counted for their beliefs and convictions! I hope to be such a person and by virtue of my background and independence, I hope to remain the person I am as opposed to changing my personality just to fit into contemporary Swedish society.

So the jury is still out on the question, “Can an individualist like myself fit into this society, survive and even prosper here—a country where even the legal system emphasizes the collective will and the general good over private, individual initiative?”

The step I took when uprooting myself from San Francisco was a giant one and at that time, I had every indication that I had done my homework and was on the right track. However, I don’t know yet whether I have done the right thing or not. But I do believe it is worth talking risks in life, daring to reinvent oneself and following your inner voice.

There are a number of advantages to living here: It is easier to get into the great outdoors and there is a genuine sense of historical continuity in this country. Most homes have some antiques and both television programming and bookstores are full of historical references. I have made some wonderful new women friends here since I arrived—quality women whom I will know for a long time. It is exciting to live through four seasons that are so pronounced rather than the one or two seasons I have experienced in California. I have especially enjoyed the luminescence of the snow and the gorgeous white light of a bright winter day! For the first time in many years, I don’t have to go to bed worrying about waking up in the middle of the night with my bed shaking in a major earthquake! And while terrorism is present everywhere, I felt like I was more of a target living in the U.S. So there are some genuine delights living in this part of the world and I would now stop my remarks and open up the room for comments and questions! May I ask the first question?

How many of you think I am going to make it in this country? If so, happily or miserably? Conversely, how many of you think I am destined to move back to where I came from or relocate to some other place?

And let’s discuss what are some strategies for coping with the prevailing collective mentality in this country so that those of us who march to a different drummer can cope!

What are the things American that we should adopt over here? Conversely, what are the things we should shy away from?